And when you least expect it...

The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness

From the very funny Parks and Recreation, here is Ron Swanson's pyramid of greatness.

Learn it. Live it. Love it.

Full size picture found HERE.

(Kinda) Daily Good Music

I never meant to be so bad to you
One thing I said that I would never do
A look from you and I would fall from grace
And that would wipe the smile right from my face...


Enjoy.

(Kinda) Daily Good Music

Today's track is "Touch Me I'm Going to Scream Pt. 2" by My Morning Jacket.

This is a stone cold grove with some inventive and enthralling orchestration. The vocals of frontman Jim James give the whole track an ethereal and haunting tone.

Enjoy.

Adventures in Advertising 1 (with links!)

So earlier today I purchased a stick of Old Spice Original Scent Deodorant and Antiperspirant (ladies...).  I did this because I don't want to smell like a butthole.  An admirable goal, I think.  And I purchased Old Spice because it makes me smell like a man.  Plus I enjoy rewarding solid advertising.  It's why I prefer Burger King over McDonalds, Geico over Geico, and Surge over any other soda that has ever been produced.

But on my stick of deodorant, there was a sticker that caught me off guard: "New look coming soon."

Oh yeah?  Well, shit, why did I spend $4 on this crappy old packaging? I'm better off rubbing lye on my pits.  Who buys deodorant based on the promise of packaging?  I understand packaging matters.  It's why I buy the cereal I do.  Hell, in the past it's why I bought the deodorant and shampoo and mouthwash I did.  That one aisle in CVS is teaming with cool and extreme logos that make me feel cooler when I spend money on them.  But nobody goes in thinking, "You know, I'm hoping that Head and Shoulders updates their logo...the little pseudo-watery swoosh just isn't doing it for me. Sweet pork rinds they have! Give me 40!"  And certainly nobody goes in saying, "I refuse to buy a product with which I'm familiar unless I'm promised a logo upgrade in the near future.  If that doesn't happen I'm burning this Rite Aid down."  I'm by no means offended by this, it's just puzzling.

Come on, Old Spice. You're better than that.

A Thought of Either Great or No Consequence

This is a list of quotations that have been said about me. I know this is a fairly narcissistic and self-indulgent exercise, but it's my blog, so, tough rocks.




"Ben, you're like a younger, less alcoholic version of me...who's better looking." - friend

"Benjo, I knew...from the second day I knew you...that I loved you." - fraternity brother

"You're an awful human being. Proof? You nearly killed Rock Raines." - former employer

"This is why we can't have nice things." - former roommate

"Jojo is all business over there." - former employer

"Ben's problem is he can't take anything seriously." - fraternity brother

"I bet you don't recycle." - girl at a party

"One day we're gonna see a picture Benjo on the locale news with the headline: 'Local 20-something found face down in Tennessee Scramble.'" - fraternity brother

"You treat me so well, you're the best boyfriend I could ask for." - ex-girlfirend

"You probably shouldn't call me." - ex-hookup

"You're also wildly charismatic and likeable." - friend

"Benjo...man if only I was gay." - fraternity brother

"You're my Sancho Panza." - friend

"Ben, you win the award for most brain activity with the least amount of production." - brother

"Benjo, what you need is a girl who gives as little a fuck as you do." - friend

"Ben runs the world." - friend

"NCAA Football came out 2 weeks ago...has Benjo left the couch?" - former roommate

"Ben likes to talk and visit other classmates, if he spent that time focusing on his school work there is no telling how successful he could be." - every elementary school report card I ever received

"Decency is a lost art...but you're doing your best to keep it alive." - brother

"Being mean to Benjo is like being mean to a nun...a big, sexy nun." - fraternity brother

"I think Benjo is overrated." - fraternity brother

"Benjo is one of my favorite people." - same fraternity brother as above

"Johannes, you're either going to be a billionaire or homeless." - high school teacher

"Who's Ben?" - mother

"You're such a pretty mixed-race boy." - random girl at the beach

"I knew you guys were playing beer pong because I could hear Benjo yelling at his partner from down the block." - friend

"You're a battered soul." - fraternity brother

"Ben will work in the clergy." - high school teacher

"I think Ben will be a high-end pimp." - other high school teacher, same conversation

"Ben is the most generous guy I know, too bad he doesn't have anything to give." - friend

"You're a slut." - friend

(Kinda) Daily Good Music

Today's track is really about a month or so late. But it is "Christmas Song" by the Dave Matthews Band.

DMB is beloved in my area (and around the world I suppose) especially by girls who grew up in the 1990s. And while they aren't the greatest musical act of all time (as more than a few DMB fans have told me) they are a perfectly good band. Of all their music, I enjoy this track the best. It's a somber track peppered with a sort of quiet hope.

Enjoy.